Learning to Live

Every now and then I think I should delete my blog because I don't think anyone really cares about what I have to say. But then I remember that it's not necessarily about other people. Writing is one of the best ways for me to flush out my thoughts and feelings and believe it or not, I have a lot of feelings. So here is another post dedicated to my feelings about this crazy beautiful life. Like most people I tend to go through phases of being obsessed with things. Sometimes it's an author, sometimes it's exercise, sometimes it's food. But right now it's literally anything that Nora McInery has done. Nora McInery is the Minneapolis author of  It's Okay to Laugh (Crying is Cool Too). My best friend gave the book to me for my birthday likely because the title is basically the story of my life. Although I would recommend Nora's book without hesitation, I think I would recommend her podcast even more. "Terrible, Thanks for Asking" is basically...

I've never really been able to explain why I wanted to leave Minnesota and go abroad. Part of me thinks it was really just a middle finger to everyone who said I would never leave, but another part of me thinks it was because I knew I needed an adventure before I settled back down in Minnesota for the rest of eternity. Whatever the reason is that I decided to do this, I had no idea that it would change me as much as it has. Again, I find myself struggling to put my feelings into words, but I am obviously coming out of this experience a much different person than I came into it. I guess one could say that I had "miles to go" before I became the person I really wanted and needed to be.* Even though I feel like I can't summarize exactly how I have changed, I have a few ideas... 1. I'm so much more comfortable being alone. I was nervous to live alone, mostly because I am terrified of getting kidnapped, but my hobbies that were meant for one person got a...

I should have just gone to bed the night before I flew back to Minnesota for Christmas Vacation. Instead, I read through my journal for 2016 and then I spent the whole night digesting every thought I had over the course of the year and got ZERO sleep. Sometimes it feels silly to have a journal. It feels like I'm reverting back to the 6th grade girl who writes about the boy she likes and the fight she had with her dad. But mostly, it's a great way to remind myself of my experiences and my feeling about those experiences. My journal is filled with memories, ideas, quotes from books, tidbits from conversations with the people I love the most, lists, and life plans. Much like running, writing things down helps me try to understand life. (Way cliche, but way true.) As I reflected on this year, I relived my feelings. My heart hurt thinking about my most recent heartbreak, but it also swelled with joy as I read the list of people who helped me through it. I remembered the incred...

There are a few moments in my life that I consider to be game changers. They changed the way I thought about the world and they helped me become who I am today. The first moment I remember was the decision to join choir in high school. I am still so thankful that Mark Potvin cornered me and told me I HAD to join choir. Unfortunately, this isn't a post about how much I love singing. It's a post about how much I love running. When I started running in my freshmen year, I thought it was a phase. A phase driven by the desire to lose weight. SPOILER ALERT: You will not lose weight if you eat and drink everything that you want and then justify it with a run. I'm sure all of my friends and family thought it was a phase too. After all, I despised running in high school and made up any excuse that I could to get out of the mile. So my new adventures left my friends and family surprised and confused, especially when I signed up for a half marathon. The decision to take my runni...

If you know me at all, you know that I have A LOT of feelings. ALL of the time. I'm genuinely a pretty happy person, but sometimes I get sad or mad or frustrate and it overwhelms me. Here's a poem by Rupi Kaur that describes me to a T: When I read this poem it really resonated with me. I don't know what it feels like to live a balanced life. I'm happy and then I'm sad. And it changes SO fast.  I cried every single day last week. Sometimes they were tears of happiness, sometimes they were sad, and sometimes they were just tears of being overwhelmed. A student saw me after a lunchtime meltdown and asked if I was okay. "Yeah, I'm okay!" "Well, your mascara is not okay." And then he gave me a hug and chatted with me and suddenly the moment where I thought I couldn't do it all anymore passed and I was okay. I'm emotional and my students know this. Thankfully they are understand how vulnerable I am and they are kind about it. ...

Lately I have been trying to determine if the word "overwhelmed" has a negative connotation or a positive one. I think it started when my brother told me I have an "overwhelming" personality. I'm not arguing with him, I know I can be overwhelming. I just wonder if that's good or bad. Dictionary.com gives us the following definitions: 1. to   overcome   completely   in   mind   or   feeling: overwhelmed by remorse. 2. to   overpower   or   overcome,   especially   with   superior   forces;   destroy; crush: Roman   troops   were   overwhelmed   by   barbarians. 3.  to   cover   or   bury   beneath   a   mass   of   something,   as   floodwaters,   debris, or   an   avalanche;   submerge: Lava   from   erupting   Vesuvius   overwhelmed   the   city   of   Pompeii. ...

"Miss, sometimes you try too hard." I didn't really have a response for this student because I was trying to decide if it was a compliment or an insult. And what exactly he was trying to say... "Sometimes you try too hard to get us to like you." "Sometimes you try too hard to make us learn." "Sometimes you try too hard to make your class fun." "Sometimes you try too hard to make us think about the world around us." Well, I'm sorry if my students think that any of those are a bad thing. And I'm sorry if at this point in my life I pour my heart and soul into being a good teacher. But my apology is only for one person really- myself. My student was right. Sometimes I do try too hard. I'm trying my best to beat my best every day of my life. And not just with teaching. I'm trying hard to beat my best in every aspect of my life: teaching, running, exercise in general, relationships, writing, reading. I wake up...