2019

I typically go into every new year with a list of concrete goals I would like to accomplish. I will read X amount of books. I will run X amount of miles. I will save X amount of money. Blah blah blah. This year I tried to simplify things a little bit. I would write, I would read, I would run, and I would focus on enjoying life more by getting out of my head and focusing on my emotional intelligence (SUPER simple, right?). As I reflect on 2019, I'm proud to say that I accomplished all of these goals and the best part about not quantifying any of them is that I really do feel like I lived life to the max this year. I did everything I wanted and so much more. And of course, along the way I learned a few valuable lessons that I feel the need to document somewhere besides my journal.

1. "And now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good." - John Steinbeck in East of Eden

I have spent so much of my life trying to have it all together. I want to run, read, socialize, save money, be a good teacher, find the perfect work/life balance, be in a healthy relationship, etc. etc. But this year, more than ever before, I have found the comfort in not being perfect. I have found that when I don't try to do it all, I can be so much happier. I can find happiness in doing everything in moderation. I can find happiness without filling my life to the max. I can just exist in the comfort of being good. 

2. "I am too smart to go back to being miserable." - Mary Laura Philpott in I Miss You When I Blink 

I spent the first six months of 2019 trying to figure out how I could get out of being so miserable. My journal is lists and lists of things that I could do better to find true happiness. It's likely not a surprise that these lists didn't help. What did help was finding that balance. I learned what I needed to be happy and I learned what I needed to avoid. And now, I know. And hopefully I never spend more than six months being so miserable again. 

3. Bitter is not a good look on ANYONE. 

One of my dearest friends said this as a joke this summer, but I've realized how true it is. Bitter isn't a good look on anyone and honestly, my life is too wonderful to be full of resentment and bitterness. It sounds cheesy, but I've learned that forgiving others is the biggest way to live a happy life in the present. 

4. If you know something isn't right, you have to do something about it. 

If we see a problem, we need to own the problem. It's so easy to stick our heads in the sand and pretend like it's not our problem. But if everyone did that and nobody fixed it, then nothing would ever get done. It's not easy, but if we see something that isn't right, it's up to us to actually do something about it. 

"Victims recite problems, leaders present solutions." - Mary Laura Philpott in I Miss You When I Blink 

As leaders, we see things that aren't right all the time and it's our responsibility to offer possible solutions to the problem. 

5. I LOVE VULNERABILITY 

"I gravitate towards people who wear their miles proudly, who showed up with whatever they were carrying and just laid it out there. Not polite people, or perfect... just people. The kind who tell you the truth wen you ask how they are, who don't think about lying and telling you everything is fine." Nora McInerny  in No Happy Endings

There is something so beautiful about people who are unapologetically themselves. I've worked hard to cover this up for myself for a long time, but I've realized that all people want (including me as I am very much a human) is to be seen, heard, and acknowledged. We shouldn't be scared of being who we really are or sharing what's really on our mind. I think this is where so much of my miserableness stemmed from. I was trying to cover up my true feelings, but vulnerability is a beautiful thing and we could all work to embrace it a little more. 

6. "Feelings are complicated. Actions are simple." - Fredrick Backman in Us Against You 

I've said this before, but I'll say it again. We can't control how we feel. We need to be vulnerable enough to acknowledge our feelings, but we need to be smart enough to control how we act on them. All we can do is think through our response to our feelings and then choose how we act. It's not easy, but it's necessary. I know I just said that it's important to feel what what we feel, but we also need to think about the impact our actions have on others. 

Even though I didn't quantify my goals for 2019, I still feel like it was one of the best years yet. It wasn't perfect, but it was good. I learned a lot about myself and the people around me and how I want to live my life. Here's to hoping I can continue to enjoy the shit out of life.