Feel Your Feelings
If you know me at all, you know that I have A LOT of feelings. ALL of the time. I'm genuinely a pretty happy person, but sometimes I get sad or mad or frustrate and it overwhelms me.
Here's a poem by Rupi Kaur that describes me to a T:
When I read this poem it really resonated with me. I don't know what it feels like to live a balanced life. I'm happy and then I'm sad. And it changes SO fast.
I cried every single day last week. Sometimes they were tears of happiness, sometimes they were sad, and sometimes they were just tears of being overwhelmed. A student saw me after a lunchtime meltdown and asked if I was okay.
"Yeah, I'm okay!"
"Well, your mascara is not okay."
And then he gave me a hug and chatted with me and suddenly the moment where I thought I couldn't do it all anymore passed and I was okay. I'm emotional and my students know this. Thankfully they are understand how vulnerable I am and they are kind about it.
My students aren't the only one who see my emotional side. In my short 23 years, my family gets the brunt of it as well. My grandma always tells me that we know I won't get ulcers because I let everything out. My heart is on my sleeve and the world knows it. In the words of one of my dear friends I "live life passionately." And all I can say is that he's not wrong.
Most times I apologize for my feelings. I know it makes people uncomfortable when I cry. Especially if I'm crying and laughing about crying at the same time. My brother yells at me when I do that. I feel embarrassed and ashamed that I can't control my tears. Normal people don't cry when things don't go there way. Normal teachers don't let their students see them with tears. Normal people go home and cry alone, if at all.
But, I'm not normal. And as one of my best friends always reminds me, I am allowed to feel my feelings. And I'm allowed to feel them all the time. I might shed more tears than the the average person, but it doesn't mean that I am any less competent than the average person. If anything, my vulnerability is endearing... At least I hope it is to someone. And to be fair, I spend a large portion of my life being insanely happy and energetic. SO, I will continue to feel all of my feelings (and trust me, there's a lot) and I will do it unapologetically. After all, in the words of Glennon Doyle Melton, it just means that I'm paying attention.
Here's a poem by Rupi Kaur that describes me to a T:
When I read this poem it really resonated with me. I don't know what it feels like to live a balanced life. I'm happy and then I'm sad. And it changes SO fast.
I cried every single day last week. Sometimes they were tears of happiness, sometimes they were sad, and sometimes they were just tears of being overwhelmed. A student saw me after a lunchtime meltdown and asked if I was okay.
"Yeah, I'm okay!"
"Well, your mascara is not okay."
And then he gave me a hug and chatted with me and suddenly the moment where I thought I couldn't do it all anymore passed and I was okay. I'm emotional and my students know this. Thankfully they are understand how vulnerable I am and they are kind about it.
My students aren't the only one who see my emotional side. In my short 23 years, my family gets the brunt of it as well. My grandma always tells me that we know I won't get ulcers because I let everything out. My heart is on my sleeve and the world knows it. In the words of one of my dear friends I "live life passionately." And all I can say is that he's not wrong.
Most times I apologize for my feelings. I know it makes people uncomfortable when I cry. Especially if I'm crying and laughing about crying at the same time. My brother yells at me when I do that. I feel embarrassed and ashamed that I can't control my tears. Normal people don't cry when things don't go there way. Normal teachers don't let their students see them with tears. Normal people go home and cry alone, if at all.
But, I'm not normal. And as one of my best friends always reminds me, I am allowed to feel my feelings. And I'm allowed to feel them all the time. I might shed more tears than the the average person, but it doesn't mean that I am any less competent than the average person. If anything, my vulnerability is endearing... At least I hope it is to someone. And to be fair, I spend a large portion of my life being insanely happy and energetic. SO, I will continue to feel all of my feelings (and trust me, there's a lot) and I will do it unapologetically. After all, in the words of Glennon Doyle Melton, it just means that I'm paying attention.
Comments
Post a Comment