Overwhelmed

Lately I have been trying to determine if the word "overwhelmed" has a negative connotation or a positive one. I think it started when my brother told me I have an "overwhelming" personality. I'm not arguing with him, I know I can be overwhelming. I just wonder if that's good or bad.

Dictionary.com gives us the following definitions:

1. to overcome completely in mind or feeling:
overwhelmed by remorse.

2. to overpower or overcome, especially with superior forces; destroy;crush:

Roman troops were overwhelmed by barbarians.

3. to cover or bury beneath a mass of something, as floodwaters, debris,or an avalanche; submerge:

Lava from erupting Vesuvius overwhelmed the city of Pompeii.

So far, it's not looking good. The definitions themselves give no indication, but the sentences do. Nobody likes feeling remorseful, and I don't like to think that I am overpowering anybody with "superior forces" like a barbarian. And burying something just doesn't sound like me. Thankfully, the fourth definition provides more of what I was looking for:

4. to load, heap, treat, or address with an overpowering or excessive amount of anything:

a child overwhelmed with presents; to overwhelm someone with questions.

Nailed it. My brother was spot on when he said I have an overwhelming personality. I have an excessive amount of everything. Energy, questions, laughter, complaints, smiles, questions. ESPECIALLY questions. (His comment about my overwhelming personality probably had something to with him being more hungover than me for once...)

I'll admit that I have an overwhelming personality. Sometimes it's bad. Sometimes it's good. Depends on the person. But if we forget about the act of being overwhelming and focus on the act of being overwhelmed... Is that good or bad?

I have been feeling constantly overwhelmed for the last 8 weeks of my life. And the only reason I wasn't before that is probably because I was on summer vacation. (SO thankful I am a teacher.) During the school year, I feel constantly overwhelmed. I thrive on being overwhelmed. My to-do lists are miles long and I have students everywhere all the time and I have this meeting before school and this meeting after school and one thousand grades to enter and feedback to give and OH WAIT. A personal life? Exercise, keep in touch with family, read for pleasure?? Where does that fit in?

I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. I'm not special because I feel overwhelmed. But I feel like it is kinda special to embrace the overwhelmed feeling we all face almost daily. I love it. I live it. Professionally, it drives me to be better.

The problem is that it's not just professional. Sometimes it's personal. My professional life spills over into my personal life and the feeling of being constantly overwhelmed at school suddenly seems too much for being overwhelmed with feelings about my own life. For those that know me, I have A LOT of feelings. And they are always on display. I think about them, I talk about them, I write about them. And sometimes it's still not enough. And when I become too overwhelmed, it's fairly obvious. I can't handle it. My overwhelming personality becomes and overwhelming mess of puddles of tears and laughter at the same time. 

So I guess after reflecting on this strange word, I have decided that it doesn't need to have a connotation. To be overwhelmed isn't simply good or bad. To be overwhelmed is to live a life full of feelings-- All of the feelings. And I'm glad that I feel them. And to be overwhelming also isn't simply good or bad. To be overwhelming is to be open about your feelings, your questions, your concerns, your excitement. And I am happy to be all of those things-- even if it annoys my brother.