Miles To Go

I've never really been able to explain why I wanted to leave Minnesota and go abroad. Part of me thinks it was really just a middle finger to everyone who said I would never leave, but another part of me thinks it was because I knew I needed an adventure before I settled back down in Minnesota for the rest of eternity. Whatever the reason is that I decided to do this, I had no idea that it would change me as much as it has. Again, I find myself struggling to put my feelings into words, but I am obviously coming out of this experience a much different person than I came into it.

I guess one could say that I had "miles to go" before I became the person I really wanted and needed to be.*

Even though I feel like I can't summarize exactly how I have changed, I have a few ideas...

1. I'm so much more comfortable being alone.

I was nervous to live alone, mostly because I am terrified of getting kidnapped, but my hobbies that were meant for one person got a lot more attention. I restored my love of reading, I stepped my running game up, I began writing more than ever before, and I finally figured out how to relax.

2. I learned how to relax.

After all of this alone time I realized that I had the tendency to fill my life so full of activities because relaxing gave me too much time alone with my thoughts, but in the past two years I have learned how to get better at pushing those thoughts out and seriously chill out.

3. I'm more independent.

I would say that this change started with my decision to move here. It was the first time I made a decision without calling my mom. Although I still call my mom, I'm more likely to take a step back, write down my feelings, and then figure things out on my own.

(I also learned how to live alone and take care of weird things like clogged drains, fixing my water heater, lighting my oven, AND cooking dinner for myself.)

4. I semi got over FOMO.

It sucks to miss out on the cool stuff that everyone you love is doing until you realize that you also do cool stuff. When I take a break from social media, I realize that my life is also awesome. Traveling around Mexico was so fun and made for some brag-worthy experiences.

5. I learned which relationships were worth investing in.

When you come back to your home after months and months of being away many people are quick to demand time with you. But the people I chose to spend my limited time at home with were the ones who actually checked in and sent me mail and FaceTimed me frequently. I think this was big because if I had stayed in Minnesota, I likely would have continued to put time into relationships that were destined to drift apart because of life, but this really just accelerated the process.

Looking back, this was an important realization for me because I realized that my family members are my best friends and I can't wait to get back to them.

6. Teaching is hard, but so worth it.

Obviously you know this to a certain extent when you decide to be a teacher, but having your own classroom changes your perspective. I probably cried more than I should have, but there were all valuable lessons and I'm grateful that my students allowed me to be a human. And I am so thankful that my students gave me so many wonderful and hilarious memories and that they let me try different and weird things. I am especially grateful that they let me love them as hard as I did-- even if it meant I took everything too personally. But truthfully, that will always be a work in progress.

7. If you choose to have a big adventure, life will give you exactly that and exactly the people who are big enough to love the whole world right along with you.**

I am convinced that whatever your adventure is, life will give you the people that you need in order to learn and enjoy your experience. I am beyond thankful for my friends, grade team, department, and students for accepting me and loving me for who I am and teaching me so much about life. I could go on for days about how much these people mean to me and I still couldn’t say enough. I am a better person for knowing all of you.

Last year one of my closest friends said that every year I am becoming more and more the person that I want to be. I think that he was right-- it turns out I just had miles to go to make it happen. Moving to Mexico was easily the best thing that I ever did. Even in the difficult times, I learned so much about myself. Thank you to everyone who supported me in this crazy adventure. And thank you to the people that will continue to support me no matter what I do. I'm still growing up, but I can't think of better people to surround myself with to help me become who I want to be. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you to everyone in my life. And look at that, I guess I was able to sum it all up all up after all.

*This is a line from a well known Robert Frost poem “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening” and also my newest kickass tattoo.

**Thank you to Brian Andreas for always finding the perfect words.