The Consequences of Trying
"Miss, sometimes you try too hard."
I didn't really have a response for this student because I was trying to decide if it was a compliment or an insult. And what exactly he was trying to say...
"Sometimes you try too hard to get us to like you."
"Sometimes you try too hard to make us learn."
"Sometimes you try too hard to make your class fun."
"Sometimes you try too hard to make us think about the world around us."
Well, I'm sorry if my students think that any of those are a bad thing. And I'm sorry if at this point in my life I pour my heart and soul into being a good teacher.
But my apology is only for one person really- myself.
My student was right. Sometimes I do try too hard. I'm trying my best to beat my best every day of my life. And not just with teaching. I'm trying hard to beat my best in every aspect of my life: teaching, running, exercise in general, relationships, writing, reading.
I wake up every day and I teach kids and I run a lot and I read two books at a time and I write a little and I work really hard to maintain relationships with the people who mean the most to me, but I'm always wondering is it enough? Can I do better?
It's hard to be in constant competition with yourself. It's hard to wake up every day and want to make the most of it. It's exhausting to plan every hour to squeeze the most out of it and try to accomplish all of my goals for the day. Of course I know people strive to make the most of every day. And we should. But to what extent?
I'm tired of trying too hard and always disappointing myself. When will I be satisfied with what I have done? When I will I finally feel content?
In the midst of what seems like despair, I continue to hope and plan for my future. And even though it's exhausting to attack life with such zeal, I hope that I continue for the rest of my life. I hope that I maintain this foolish 22 mindset. I hope that I remain optimistic and passionate. But mostly, I hope that I realize that the consequence of trying too hard is ultimately finding happiness.
I didn't really have a response for this student because I was trying to decide if it was a compliment or an insult. And what exactly he was trying to say...
"Sometimes you try too hard to get us to like you."
"Sometimes you try too hard to make us learn."
"Sometimes you try too hard to make your class fun."
"Sometimes you try too hard to make us think about the world around us."
Well, I'm sorry if my students think that any of those are a bad thing. And I'm sorry if at this point in my life I pour my heart and soul into being a good teacher.
But my apology is only for one person really- myself.
My student was right. Sometimes I do try too hard. I'm trying my best to beat my best every day of my life. And not just with teaching. I'm trying hard to beat my best in every aspect of my life: teaching, running, exercise in general, relationships, writing, reading.
I wake up every day and I teach kids and I run a lot and I read two books at a time and I write a little and I work really hard to maintain relationships with the people who mean the most to me, but I'm always wondering is it enough? Can I do better?
It's hard to be in constant competition with yourself. It's hard to wake up every day and want to make the most of it. It's exhausting to plan every hour to squeeze the most out of it and try to accomplish all of my goals for the day. Of course I know people strive to make the most of every day. And we should. But to what extent?
I'm tired of trying too hard and always disappointing myself. When will I be satisfied with what I have done? When I will I finally feel content?
In the midst of what seems like despair, I continue to hope and plan for my future. And even though it's exhausting to attack life with such zeal, I hope that I continue for the rest of my life. I hope that I maintain this foolish 22 mindset. I hope that I remain optimistic and passionate. But mostly, I hope that I realize that the consequence of trying too hard is ultimately finding happiness.
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