Learning to Live

I have been struggling with coming to terms with exactly what happened in Newtown, Connecticut on Friday. I know that I live entire states away from Connecticut, but I still cannot fathom what unfolded there on Friday morning. On Friday night I avoided social media sites because I could not comprehend or understand. I still don't. I never will. Will anybody? Today my family was talking about the different rumors we had heard. My cousin, Alex, who works as a second grade teacher at South Elementary, told us that she is now forced to think about where she would hide her kids. She described how unsafe the portables are and how she has no clue what she would do. It made me sick. We shouldn't have to think like this. I finally brought myself to read the Star Tribune today and think I was able to finally realize that this was indeed "real life." As stupid as it sounds, this doesn't seem like it could be a true story. But it is. One of my Facebook friends expressed...

Hard to believe my not so baby brother turns 18 today. Granted he's towered over me for years now, and could have kicked my ass at the age of 14, I like to think I'm still the boss. Although there have been times where I'm almost positive the kid is adopted, I can actually say I appreciate the person he has grown into. Sure, he's pretty socially awkward, and I still have moments where I contemplate if we're actually related, but it's been great watching him grow into an almost mature adult. However, we definitely have our differences and aren't afraid to express them. We always debate about which one of us is more intelligent than the other and while I may have a higher GPA and more social understanding, I'm also smart enough to acknowledge the fact that my brother is somewhat of a genius. Our mom encouraged us both to start reading at a young age and it definitely stuck. But while I chose to read books that can be categorized as "brain candy,...

As we all know, yesterday was Thanksgiving. A day we've come to believe should be filled with gorging ourselves and remembering what we're thankful for. I get that. And I think it's cool. Really. Food, family, thankfulness, naps and football make for a beautiful day. But I think we forget to remember what we're thankful for every day. Every year we go around the table and say what each of us are thankful for. In the past answers have ranged from "the Wright brothers" to "toilets." This year we had some other interesting answers, "mermaids, rainbows, unicorns and fairies" and other thankful statements ending with "go Tigers" referring to our recent trip to the Metrodome.  However, there was one thing we constantly kept coming back to- family. Grandpa started it all when he said he was thankful for his nice, big family, "took two wives to get here but we made it." After that, we all came back to our fantastic family and ...

I know I blog about a lot of super cliché things like 100% of the time, but life is full of cliché messages we are supposed to pay attention to. Today was a pretty big day. Not only was it my half Birthday (only 1.5 years until the big 2-1!), but I signed a lease. I realize this is a normal thing for college students to do when they are trying to get off campus, but it just seems like this can't be real life. When did I get old enough to sign a lease? Am I really a sophomore in college? The weirdest thing about it all is the fact that I'm going to have my own room in a house that's not my parents... I don't know if I like the whole concept of buying myself food or paying for my utilities. I guess I have to accept the reality of it all though. Life is happening-fast. I often find myself saying, "I can't wait to be married" or "I want a baby right now." I find myself getting so caught up in the future that I forget about living in the now. And ...

I wasn't really they partying type in high school, none of my close friends were. Until one night when we all went to a Halloween party our junior year of high school. I wasn't there long enough to get trashed or have a super fun time, but I was there long enough for the cops to show up and kill the mood. Looking back, it seemed as though my life was over. I remember how devastated we all were about the fact that it had ruined our trust with our parents, some of our most anticipated sporting events, got us kicked out of NHS, teachers talking mad trash and for me -- getting kicked out of the musical. Some of us worked off our sporting suspensions, which seemed like the worst part after the fact. Hell, I ran track. And I am not a runner. We all went into Mr. Klaphake's office the next Monday with depressed and sullen looks that summed up our weekends. We all know what happened with each other that night and what happened in the office. And even though it seemed like our l...

Prayer. For those of us who are religious, praying seems to be a staple of our faith. For those who aren't, it means little. I am one of those people who considers myself to be a person of faith. Unfortunately, I often find myself getting caught up in the hustle and bustle around me and forgetting to take a moment to talk to God about all the great things he has done for me and is continuing to do. I often use college as an excuse for my lack of faith and prayer. But in reality, there is no excuse. And I really don't know why I don't make time to pray at the end of the day. It takes little effort to close my eyes and have a short conversation with God. But I typically prefer closing my eyes and sinking into a deep stage of sleep. I know that praying truly does make me feel better, but I can't figure out why I push it to the bottom of my never-ending to-do list. I think we all forget to thank God every morning we wake up alive. Actually, I know there's a huge lis...

I'm not typically a person of politics. Like when I ran for President in my college gov class, it was definitely not my thing. If you were there, you know what I'm saying- total disaster. But in my opinion, this whole idea of a marriage amendment shouldn't even be a political issue. It maybe be on the docket this November, but I don't think it's right.  This is a religious issue people. Ever heard of the separation of church and state? This is not an issue we need to be addressing on our polls this fall. Our country and society are slowly going to shit and this is what people want to focus on? Combined, both sides of this marriage amendment have raised over 10 million dollars. There are people in this world who can't afford a meal, and we are raising money for this? In all honesty, I believe that this proposed amendment is a way to get conservatives out to vote against democrats. It's a great idea. I'm still at the point in my life where I'm tryi...

I realize that this title may have you thinking what's the deal with learning? I hate learning. I hate school. I hate class. Well, you might be thinking that, but I'm not. Sure. Going to class sucks sometimes and homework is a real big bitch but I think we all forget about the bigger picture. I'm here to learn. I don't always want to learn, but that's what I'm here for. But those moments when I'm fascinated by something I've just discovered are moments I've learned to cherish. I hope I never lose this feeling. I've looked more things up in the dictionary this year than I probably have in my whole life. I'm obsessed with the the things I'm learning about. Maybe it's because it's something I'm actually interested in. I really do tend to geek out over English... and education... Whatevs. I think we forget about how fortunate we are to be in a country where we are forced to become educated. Now we are all at the point where ...

Today I asked my mom what she thought of my blog. "Well it shows your soft side." Not sure what exactly that's supposed to mean. I feel like me crying every other week of my life is pretty soft- but what do I know? Anyways, I feel like this shows how much my mom's opinion means to me. I've wanted her to read this from the beginning, but when she asked for the link last week I got super excited. I truly value what my mom has to say about the things I do and decisions I make in my life. My mom isn't the only person whose opinion matters to me though. I'm the type of person who needs the input of others regardless of what the decision is. But today my mom pointed something out to me and it really hit home. She told me she couldn't make every decision for me because it was up to me to make mistakes in my life and learn from them. Nothing could ever be more true. I've already made my fair share of mistakes, but there's always more to learn. While ...

"Erin, I think you love home too much." Could that really be it? I've spent all this time trying to tell people I'm not that girl, but I think I totally am. After a conversation with my second mom, Debbie, everything really became clear for me. We had just been talking about the anxiety I was having about going back to school. You might think I'm being dramatic, but I literally had a panic attack the day before. I'm talking full-on hyperventilating, can't breathe panic attack people. And it was all about returning to one of my favorite places. So what gives? I think Debbie was right. It's not that I don't love Concordia, because I do. It's not that I don't like the people at Concordia, because they totally rock. It's not even the classes... Well maybe a little. But I think the hardest thing for me as that I've become so accustomed to living at home again, that I just can't bear the thought of leaving. Even as I sit here, ...

Why do bad things happen to good people? I think it's because good people know how to handle the bad things that come their way. However, this must mean I am definitely not a good person because if something bad comes my way I tend to get pretty pissed. But that bad things that come my way are usually on a small scale. Right now, I'm watching one of my friends deal with something I honestly don't know if I could deal with. To be honest, this kid is the definition of a good person. He's a great friend, he's nice to everyone, he's hilarious and he works hard to get what he wants. Unfortunately it's just not hard enough. He has worked hard for everything he has in life and now it's just not cutting it. My heart is literally breaking watching his world turn upside down, but he looked right at me and said, "This is just God's plan for me right now Erin. Everything will work out eventually. I'm going to take this time and make the best of it....

Warning: This post is about a book. I am indeed an English major and I like reading. And I love this book. So that's what it's about. If you don't like reading or books I suggest you don't read this post. So last year we were all required to read the "summer book read." It was "Zoli" by Colum McCann I actually read it. TWICE. The first time around I thought it seemed pretty lame. However, the second time around my professor forced us to read more into it. I think that this particular professor and her method of teaching this novel solidified my decision to become an English teacher. My second interaction with Colum McCann was when he came to Concordia's Symposium. Like most freshman, I kind of blew off this whole day and was just pretty pumped about not having class. But the same professor that forced us to reread "Zoli" made us go listen to the keynote speaker who happened to be Colum McCann. I wish I still had my notes from that...

It's kind of interesting to think about how often I find myself talking about my future life. As if I actually have a clue as to how it will turn out. I talk about my husband and my kids and the nice things we're going to have. In reality, nothing could work out how I want it to, and what will I do then? List of things I currently want to end up with in my life: -Husband (Obvi...) But this husband has a long list of requirements. None of which I feel obligated to post. How naive am I to think that I will find a man that fulfills all of these requirements. I know I need to find a man who I love for who he is- even if he doesn't have the amazing brown eyes I've been dreaming about for my whole life. -7 kids. When I tell people I want 7 kids they look at me like I'm crazy. And who knows, maybe I am. Chances are I'll change my mind and wind up with 2 or 3 and most likely be okay with it. I'm 19 so I really have no clue what will happen. - A job. No brainer....

The Dalai Lama once said, "The purpose of our lives is to be happy." And I think this quote sums up my life, and should probably sum up the lives of more people in the world. Regardless of your religious beliefs, I strongly feel that the we are all here to be happy. Sure, we all have different plans to find our happy, but in the end I think we are all meant to be happy with the way things turned out.  I'm generally a pretty happy person, at least that's what I hear. And I do think it's true- to an extent. I do get down occasionally. But usually if you see me sad/mad, I'm trying to be that way because I feel like I have a reason to feel that way. Don't ask me why I do it, because I really don't have a valid explanation, but I do. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that's how the world has shaped our society. People are always complaining about something in the world, no matter how big or small the issue is. You turn on the news and all ...

A couple of weeks ago I posted about how I didn't want to do the musical because I was embarrassed of how dumb it made me look. I am so happy to say that I got over it and gave it my all-- even if it resulted in people making fun of me (although, I did have some people tell me I was a crowd favorite). And so even though I didn't have a huge part (thank God) I did the best I could and I had a freaking blast! The preparation for this show might have sucked a lot but in the end it wound up to be worth it. Going from work to practice every single night really cramped my social life, but eventually I accepted that hanging out with my musical buds was my social life, even when they were jerks. When you spend that much time with people and you're working towards a common goal, it's easy to become a mini-family in a way. I can honestly say that I will miss spending time with these people. I thought I would be excited about the show coming to an end, but I'm actually prett...

Tonight one of my close friends send me a link to her new blog and to be honest, I was shocked my what she had to say. She talked about how much her first year of college changed her and just reading her blog, I knew that she was right. This year I had so many different feelings about the change that she talked about. In some ways, I liked watching my friends change and mature and come to terms with the people they really are. But in other ways, it was hard watching them go and make new friends to replace me. I know that sounds selfish, but I'm sure I'm not the only one that feels that way. Either way, I'm happy to see that after freshman year many of my friends have changed for the better and I still love hanging out with them. Of course, my friends weren't the only ones that changed this year. I know that I changed a lot too. And I'm hoping it was for the better. I went into college in something that could be considered a relationship but wasn't really becau...

I was pretty excited when I heard we were doing a musical this summer. I couldn't wait to spend time with all of my dorky choir friends again and redeem myself from the last musical I was kicked out of. Don't get me wrong, I'm still pretty excited, at least I am after one rehearsal (I'll get back to you in a couple of weeks about how excited I still am...) but something just seems amiss. It's super great to be reunited with my buddies again but I guess I'm just kind of bummin because we are missing some of the crew. And I also forget how dumb I feel doing this stuff. I love singing. I love dancing-as a joke. But this is like pretty legit shit and I feel like I just look ridiculous. I used to not care about that but something has definitely changed. I'm thinking I started somewhat caring about what people think of me when I went to college. It was hard to make friends just being myself because I'm pretty crazy and I guess people might get overwhelmed ...

Working at a daycare has its ups and downs. I could say it's more of one than the other, but it really depends on your perspective. I love LOVE my kiddies and they actually do a pretty great job teaching me while I do my best to teach them the basics of living... and doing a good job of it. We make sure to practice our ABCs and counting numbers and of course we use "please" and "thank you." We do all of this and more- including potty training! I can't say that spending the day with a room full of 15 screaming toddlers is at the top of my list of favorite things to do, but surprisingly it comes close. These children have such a different and innocent view on life and it's great to see what they do with it. I can honestly say that these kids will probably be a big part of my life- at least for the summer. I think one of the most important things these kids have taught me is to enjoy the little things in life. They are so entertained by the simplest thing...