Musical Memories

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I was pretty excited when I heard we were doing a musical this summer. I couldn't wait to spend time with all of my dorky choir friends again and redeem myself from the last musical I was kicked out of. Don't get me wrong, I'm still pretty excited, at least I am after one rehearsal (I'll get back to you in a couple of weeks about how excited I still am...) but something just seems amiss.

It's super great to be reunited with my buddies again but I guess I'm just kind of bummin because we are missing some of the crew. And I also forget how dumb I feel doing this stuff. I love singing. I love dancing-as a joke. But this is like pretty legit shit and I feel like I just look ridiculous. I used to not care about that but something has definitely changed.

I'm thinking I started somewhat caring about what people think of me when I went to college. It was hard to make friends just being myself because I'm pretty crazy and I guess people might get overwhelmed maybe? But at home, that's all everyone knew of me and so I had no problem expressing it. About the time that I realized that it would be difficult to make friends acting super weird all the time, I changed how I made first impressions. And I guess that has carried over to my life at home too. Don't get me wrong, I'm still the same crazy Erin, but something is just different.

I'm hoping that I will be able to overlook the fact that I will look like a fool doing a hoedown on stage long enough to enjoy myself. I didn't used to care and hopefully this feeling goes away because I do NOT want to be someone who doesn't pursue what they love because they are afraid of what others will think. I've had so much fun doing other shows and I'm hoping that's exactly what this one will turn in to! There's no doubt in my mind that my dorky choir friends and I will make the best out of what we are given. Even if we have to deal with a crabby Mark.

Basically, I am happy that I have been given the opportunity to get back on stage and I am hoping that I will be able to embrace it as much as I always have. The memories made during these shows are something that the whole cast can share and I just love having that special bond with such an awesome group. So I guess here's to going for it, even if it makes me slightly nervous and embarrassed. 

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