Learning to Live

"Erin, I think you love home too much." Could that really be it? I've spent all this time trying to tell people I'm not that girl, but I think I totally am. After a conversation with my second mom, Debbie, everything really became clear for me. We had just been talking about the anxiety I was having about going back to school. You might think I'm being dramatic, but I literally had a panic attack the day before. I'm talking full-on hyperventilating, can't breathe panic attack people. And it was all about returning to one of my favorite places. So what gives? I think Debbie was right. It's not that I don't love Concordia, because I do. It's not that I don't like the people at Concordia, because they totally rock. It's not even the classes... Well maybe a little. But I think the hardest thing for me as that I've become so accustomed to living at home again, that I just can't bear the thought of leaving. Even as I sit here, ...

Why do bad things happen to good people? I think it's because good people know how to handle the bad things that come their way. However, this must mean I am definitely not a good person because if something bad comes my way I tend to get pretty pissed. But that bad things that come my way are usually on a small scale. Right now, I'm watching one of my friends deal with something I honestly don't know if I could deal with. To be honest, this kid is the definition of a good person. He's a great friend, he's nice to everyone, he's hilarious and he works hard to get what he wants. Unfortunately it's just not hard enough. He has worked hard for everything he has in life and now it's just not cutting it. My heart is literally breaking watching his world turn upside down, but he looked right at me and said, "This is just God's plan for me right now Erin. Everything will work out eventually. I'm going to take this time and make the best of it....

Warning: This post is about a book. I am indeed an English major and I like reading. And I love this book. So that's what it's about. If you don't like reading or books I suggest you don't read this post. So last year we were all required to read the "summer book read." It was "Zoli" by Colum McCann I actually read it. TWICE. The first time around I thought it seemed pretty lame. However, the second time around my professor forced us to read more into it. I think that this particular professor and her method of teaching this novel solidified my decision to become an English teacher. My second interaction with Colum McCann was when he came to Concordia's Symposium. Like most freshman, I kind of blew off this whole day and was just pretty pumped about not having class. But the same professor that forced us to reread "Zoli" made us go listen to the keynote speaker who happened to be Colum McCann. I wish I still had my notes from that...

It's kind of interesting to think about how often I find myself talking about my future life. As if I actually have a clue as to how it will turn out. I talk about my husband and my kids and the nice things we're going to have. In reality, nothing could work out how I want it to, and what will I do then? List of things I currently want to end up with in my life: -Husband (Obvi...) But this husband has a long list of requirements. None of which I feel obligated to post. How naive am I to think that I will find a man that fulfills all of these requirements. I know I need to find a man who I love for who he is- even if he doesn't have the amazing brown eyes I've been dreaming about for my whole life. -7 kids. When I tell people I want 7 kids they look at me like I'm crazy. And who knows, maybe I am. Chances are I'll change my mind and wind up with 2 or 3 and most likely be okay with it. I'm 19 so I really have no clue what will happen. - A job. No brainer....