Dear Grown-Ups

Every now and then I think I should delete my blog because I don't think anyone really cares about what I have to say. But then I remember that it's not necessarily about other people. Writing is one of the best ways for me to flush out my thoughts and feelings and believe it or not, I have a lot of feelings. So here is another post dedicated to my feelings about this crazy beautiful life.

Like most people I tend to go through phases of being obsessed with things. Sometimes it's an author, sometimes it's exercise, sometimes it's food. But right now it's literally anything that Nora McInery has done.

Nora McInery is the Minneapolis author of It's Okay to Laugh (Crying is Cool Too). My best friend gave the book to me for my birthday likely because the title is basically the story of my life. Although I would recommend Nora's book without hesitation, I think I would recommend her podcast even more. "Terrible, Thanks for Asking" is basically a funny/sad/uncomfortable podcast where people talk about their pain and humanness and how we wish we could answer the question "how are you doing?" (Those are her words, not mine!) It reminds me a lot of that famous quote that is often attributed to Plato, "Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." It's the idea that no matter how we feel inside, we always answer "fine!" or "great!" just to avoid the awkward conversation of how life may actually be going.

Anyway, I was recently listening to an episode titled "Dear Grown-Ups" which was all about people who are now grown-ups and what they wished somebody would have said to them when they were children. Although some grown-ups had more intense wishes than others, it definitely got me thinking about what I wish I had known about life when I was younger.

My entire life I have been known as the sensitive one. The one who cries about EVERYTHING. It was funny for my friends to joke about how much I cried about every single event our senior year of high school. It was funny to see if I would cry tears of happiness or sadness. It was funny. Until it wasn't.

As I grew up I realized that I couldn't control my emotions the same way that normal people did. I think I even wrote a post this year about how I live life passionately. When I'm up, I'm up, but when I'm down, I'm down. Lately I noticed that this is a pattern in my life. When I feel sad I have trouble eating and I don't sleep well and although it has been extra tough lately, I struggled with this even in middle and high school.

I wish I had known that it's okay to talk about your feelings even when they're not happy. Obviously I know it's an uncomfortable topic, but when I think about how different my own life could have been if I had been more aware of the fact that I was maybe too sensitive. I know I probably wasn't ready to hear it then, but I am glad that I now know that I have the tendency to overreact to simple situations. Especially in difficult times of change. And so begins the challenging transition into Summer 2017. Thankfully I have started taking medication to help me learn to balance all of these emotions.

But what it all comes down to is that it's okay and necessary to talk about your feelings. And one of my biggest goals as a teacher and a person is to help my students and people around me realize that it's okay to not feel happy all the time and we can and should talk about it. I will always be thankful for the teachers and adults in my life that got me to where I am, but I wish more grown ups understood the importance of discussing our innermost thoughts even if they make us uncomfortable.

Now that I'm working through all of these thoughts in my brain and using medication to aid that process I realize the importance of having a strong support team. No matter who you are, grown up or not, it's important to recognize the role that you can play in someone's life by simply inviting them to share their thoughts regardless of how uncomfortable they might be. After all, I think there are more of us that share these feelings than any of us realize and the sooner that we can learn to talk about it, the easier it is for us to ask for help when we need it. It's easy to feel crazy when you think about dealing with these things all by yourself.

So grown ups, ask kids how they feel. Ask adults how they feel. Provide a safe space and a listening ear and maybe some advice where it's needed. Let people know that they are not alone. Listen when people stray away from that gut response and when somebody asks you how you are doing don't be afraid to say something other than "fine."

Comments

  1. Well written Erin! So true, from the perspective of a teacher, friend, and just a human being! God has given us feelings for a reason but what a difference it makes when we're able to be real about it and talk them through- instead of bottling them all up or just exploding and not really knowing why. Keep writing and teaching friend!

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